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Career Club Live with Bob Goodwin
Transforming Adversity: Luis Velasquez on Ordinary Resilience and Personal Growth
When life throws you curveballs, how do you find the strength to keep going? Meet Luis Velasquez, who transformed his journey from a small village in Guatemala to an executive coach in the U.S., despite facing a brain tumor and the loss of a spouse. His story isn't just about survival—it's about thriving through resilience and understanding the power of personal storytelling. You’ll hear how Luis’s background in science and leadership education shaped his approach to coaching, making his insights both deeply personal and universally applicable.
Luis introduces us to the concept of "ordinary resilience"—a term that demystifies the idea that resilience is reserved for exceptional individuals. Through heartfelt recounts, such as his father's life-changing accident, Luis shows how writing down personal stories can uncover hidden strengths. This episode breaks down practical strategies to harness your own resilience, like using childhood experiences and feedback to recognize inherent strengths. Get ready to adopt the "embrace the suck" mindset, turning life's toughest moments into stepping stones for growth.
Relationships play a crucial role in building resilience, and Luis emphasizes the importance of surrounding yourself with resilient people. We touch on how to foster resilience within organizations, especially amid today's workplace pressures like burnout and disengagement. Luis shares intentional practices for both personal and professional life, including resilience-building activities with children and employees. Don't miss the insights from Luis's book "Ordinary Resilience," which underscore the transformative power of confronting reality with courage and the positive impact of resilience on our communities.
Hi everybody, this is Bob Goodwin, and welcome to another episode of Career Club Live. Thank you so much for investing a few minutes of your day. Today's episode is brought to you by what we call Career Club Corner, which is a free call that we host every Thursday at 1 o'clock Eastern. If you're in job search or know someone who is, we'd really encourage you to register for that. It's free. Simply go to careerclub. The main banner there will hit you in the head. You can't miss it, and all we need is your name and your email so we can send you the calendar invite Again. These calls are free. They'll always be free. We just want to give back to the job searching community and we hope that you find value in that. So today's episode is near and dear to my heart. We're going to be talking about resilience today with Luis Velasquez, and I'll do a proper introduction here in a minute. But the mental toll that job search takes on so many of our clients is enormous, and I'm very excited about what Luis is going to share. So before I get ahead of myself, let me just do an introduction. Luis's background is incredible, so I'm going to read this if you don't mind. So, again honored to have Luis Velasquez with me today.
Bob Goodwin:An expert in resilience and leadership, luis is the author of Ordinary Resilience Rethinking how Effective Leaders Adapt and Thrive. It's a compelling book. I really enjoyed it. It draws on his personal journey of overcoming a brain tumor and his professional experience as an executive coach. He's also the founder and principal of AOS Coaching, where he works with leaders to develop their resilience and optimize performance. Luis has a PhD from Michigan State in what else? Botany and molecular plant pathology, but also an MBA in organizational leadership from Ashford University. Not only that, he also facilitates the interpersonal dynamics curriculum at Stanford University's business school. In addition to all of that, he's a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, fast Company and other publications you probably read. But what I really like is he's got this unique blend of personal anecdotes and practical insights and teaches us how to embrace challenges, face fears, build meaningful relationships and find inner strength. So, luis, I am super excited to have you on and with that, welcome.
Luis Velasquez:Thank you, bob, I am excited to be here as well. Thank you so much for having me, Absolutely.
Bob Goodwin:So, as is my want to do, I've got just a handful of icebreaker questions that I suspect will lead right into our topic. So the easy one is where were you born and raised?
Luis Velasquez:So the easy one is where were you born and raised? I was born in Guatemala, central America, in a very, very tiny, tiny. Well, at that time it was tiny, you know, things have changed over a few years now but up in the mountains in Guatemala. And then I was raised there until I came to the United States on a scholarship and started my education here.
Bob Goodwin:And how old were you when?
Luis Velasquez:you came to the US, I was 14. No, actually, no, I was 17. I'm sorry, I left my house when I was 14, and I came to the United States when I was 17, almost about to turn 18. At a time when I was growing up, you know there was Guatemala has a history of a civil war that was horrendous and there were almost 200,000 people died as a result of that. There was a lot of political instability which led to the violence when the peace, when the war ended.
Luis Velasquez:You know, part of the agreement but that was facilitated by the United States at the time is to you know, to develop those areas.
Luis Velasquez:And one program that they have at the Pacific was to you know to bring people, young people, from that area into the States so they can learn English and and and and and a skill and come back and be the biggest of change. And I was fortunate enough to be selected and come here and then, after I finished, I went back and completed my, my obligation. But what that did to me, it was amazing because I realized, oh my God, there is so much I can do to you know for myself, because back then you know, if you think about that, you. Oh my God, there is so much I can do for myself, because back then, if you think about that, my world ended at the end of my village. That's it, that's my world. That's all I knew when I came here. The possibilities opened and then I realized I need to go back and continue my education and then, after my commitment was fulfilled, I came back and did what I did.
Bob Goodwin:No, wow. Well, I'm sure more of this will come out as we get into your story. Do you mind painting just a little bit of a picture, luis, of your career arc and what's led you to where you are today?
Luis Velasquez:My career is well. I'm known now as an executive coach, but I didn't start as an executive coach. Actually, what I started, as you know, I grew up in a farm, you know, and so I I wanted to be a become a farmer, and that's what I came to the united states and learned, you know, uh, uh. I went to the central valley, you know, to learn how to grow vegetables as part of the community college experience. Um went back to guatemala and work on a farm and it was a rose farm and it was amazing. It was beautiful there. I remember, you know, like if I had a girlfriend that time, if I could give her a rose every week, I will have enough roses to eat for an entire year. So it was amazing.
Luis Velasquez:When I came back to the States, I continued on my journey of learning agriculture, but I also took some science classes and I fell in love with science. I was like, oh my God, you know, that's what I wanted to do. So I switched and I got a master's in plant biotechnology and then, at the time, I was recruited by several universities, including Michigan State, and I went to Michigan State and got a PhD in molecular biology and plant pathology and then I became a professor. So at the moment I thought, okay, that's it, you know, all I need to do is publish a few papers and everything. And life is very interesting. You know, sometimes you know we are, we are, the carpet is pulled under a rug or we're thrown a curveball. My curveball came in the form of a brain tumor. So when I, you know, I mean imagine you know, you, you work so hard for everything and then all of a sudden, you know, you're diagnosed with a brain tumor and, long story short, I didn't survive tumor. And uh, long story short, I didn't survive. I didn't. My career didn't survive, I did, but neither my marriage nor my nor my professional dream survived. So that was one of the big shifts that I had to do. I had to deal with, uh, because the doctor told me you know, hey, you know, you have to accept your new reality. And your new reality is that probably you won't be, you will be teaching for a long time, nor probably you'll be walking straight for a long time. And so I had to adapt and I had to figure out how I can reinvent myself and decided to become a consultant, you know. And then I became a consultant, I traveled the world doing consulting work.
Luis Velasquez:I came back to the United States in 2007, and, unfortunately, in 2013, the tumor came back, so I had to go back for surgery and I was so afraid that it was going to be like the first time around, but it wasn't, thank God. However, you know, the company that I was working for realized that at that moment, they say they couldn't keep my job because, you know, it was a small company, I was expensive for them, so they couldn't keep my job, so I was to let go. When I came back from the surgery which was really fast and recovery was really fast and I can explain why I think it was like that uh, I realized that I needed to do something else, something different, and so I started looking for a job, and it was hard to find a job. And then, you know, I was sitting in a in a in a job interview, and the person that was interviewing me told me luis, we're not, we're not hiring you, we're not going to hire you.
Luis Velasquez:You don't fit in this culture, and the reason why I'm telling you this is because I don't fit here too. Would you mind? I'm looking for someone to help me transition. Will you help me transition? And that was a little you know light bulb in my head, and that moment they said, sure, I'll help you. And so I started. I stopped looking for a job and I started looking for clients, and that was how I started my coaching practice. And then it turns out that I thank God I've been very fortunate that people want to work with me, and people that actually do well, so I recently I got hired by Google to coach at Google and then I ended up also facilitating the class at Stanford University. So here we are.
Bob Goodwin:So obviously the brain tumor, the recurrence of the tumor, must have. Well, tell us how that basically started to shape your idea of resilience and what resilience means and how that may have played a role.
Luis Velasquez:Yeah, let me close my door. Sure, we have a gardener next door. Okay, no worries, we're all good.
Luis Velasquez:So you know, when I started writing, I didn't start writing a book, and here is the reason why I say that, when I started writing, my dad, when I was growing up, had a horrible accident, like horrible, horrible accident. When he came back from the accident, he was a changed man and then, all of a sudden, he started being successful, you know, and even though he wasn't physically able, he did so much more after he became, after the accident, let's put it that way. I mean, he wasn't able to walk for more than almost a year and a half, yet somehow he started building his own business. And, just to give you an idea, when I was growing up I asked him for a bicycle and he laughed at me because he couldn't afford one. You know, when my little sister went to college, he bought her a house and a car, and that is a power of buying that is completely different from when I grew up.
Bob Goodwin:So the lesson there is be the baby, be the baby. Yes, be the baby, yes, you never want to be the oldest kid, you always want to be the baby. But go ahead.
Luis Velasquez:So when I started, like when I went through my own journey of the brain tumor, reinventing myself, losing my wife and everything I got a good example on my dad. But here is the one thing that I realized is that when I was telling people my story, just like you reacted today my God, you're so resilient. They will say you're so resilient, oh, my God, you're so strong, how do you do that? And in my mind, I was thinking I don't do anything different. So the genesis of the book was to understand myself and my dad. I wanted to see what makes me, according to some people, so resilient.
Luis Velasquez:So I started writing stories. You know, writing stuff, and that's how the how is the genesis of the book started. You see what I'm saying. So I didn't connect resilience to who I was until I started doing research and resilience is, by the way, is the term that I realized. Oh, this is what is happening to me, this is what my dad is going through. So it wasn't like. It wasn't like like resilience was an outcome of the reflection and writing, rather than I'm a resilient individual, and this is why Does that make sense?
Bob Goodwin:No, no, I love that because you know. What you did was you went and examined the roots of who you are and why you have become the way that you are. What you found was the fruit of that was oh, that's called resilience, right? So this wasn't an academic paper on the topic of resilience. This was self-reflection on who am I and, as you said, your father, which is really powerful, really powerful. And then through there's a great expression and this is a quote from somebody I don't remember, but he says my thoughts clarify when they pass through my lips and my fingertips. So, doing this, writing down and just like kind of just really working it out, and all of a sudden the patterns start to emerge.
Luis Velasquez:Absolutely. You know, when I was writing, I had the incredible and amazing fortunate of meeting a person that sparked the idea of the book. And here is how we said it, luis. You know, we were talking and I was telling him the story that I was telling you, right, you know? And he said to me you need to write a book. This is important. And I'm like how I don't understand. You know, I'm not a writer. I can write, but I'm not a writer. So he said you know, write your stories. You know, what stories do you have? And that's what I was doing and that's what I continue doing writing these stories.
Luis Velasquez:But, to your point, the reflection sometimes is not necessarily in the moment, but it's after you made the connections. So what happened was that I had like a bunch of stories, you know. And then, you know, he asked me one day hey, how are you doing? You know, how many stories do you have? I have I don't know how many. And then he said you know, like, let's meet and figure out how can we use those stories for your book. What was? What happened was the following is that I would tell him. You know, he will ask me what is this story about X? What is the story about X? And then, all of a sudden, five files became evident. And it's those five files that like. And he said that's your book, that's the essence of your book, what I had discovered at that moment. It wasn't about the book, but it was. Oh, that's how my dad did, that's how I do it. You see what I'm saying. And that's the. That's the genesis of the principles of resilience of the book.
Bob Goodwin:Well, that's a massive epiphany and I'm going to use this as the opportunity to jump into the five piles. If you will, We'll call them pillars, but the five piles. That's funny. But the title of the book is Ordinary Resilience. Do you mind sharing with folks why you call it ordinary resilience?
Luis Velasquez:Yeah. So, and again, you know, if I think about going back to what I shared earlier, is that people will say how do you do this? You know, you have gone through this and in my mind I was thinking I haven't done anything special, nothing is special. And I think that the way I, the connection between that and ordinary is the realization that we have everything that we need to have in order to take the first step, and that's all what Resilient does is we need to get started. We need to take the first step and start our journey toward wherever we want to go, and it's a process of adaptation.
Luis Velasquez:You know, like I mean, we as humans, going back to my years of schooling, we're the most adaptive and the most resilient species of the earth, but that didn't happen overnight. You see what I'm saying. That happened over a long period of time, and I think that we all have access to the same things that we all have access to, to the same things that we all have access to. What we need to do is to embody those and be what is the word intentional about exploiting what we already have. You see what I'm saying Now in the process, you will get stronger, you will get more and people say you're more resilient, but you're already resilient. We already have everything that we need to get to take the first step. So that is the genesis let's put it that way, the connection why I call it ordinary, when the reality is that people say resilience is amazing. It is not. It is such ordinary and we all have access to it.
Bob Goodwin:So that's such an important point and I just want to make sure that you know listeners and viewers don't miss that that while your story certainly has some really wow elements to it like, you know, brain cancer or not brain cancer, brain tumor, twice your father's story, the immigrant story, like all of that is very unique to you. But everybody has their own unique story and I think that this process of writing down your stories, as your friend encouraged you to do, everyone has that opportunity and I think you know what we see this is related is in job search, people need to write down their stories Literally. They need to write down and start to relive their career a little bit and all of a sudden they start to see things that they hadn't seen before about you know what has made them successful and where they're uniquely gifted. And again, everybody has something made them successful and where they're uniquely gifted. And again, everybody has something.
Bob Goodwin:And I appreciate what you're saying, that this is available to everybody, not people that run ultra marathons and you know really kind of 1% kinds of things. This is very much accessible to people. Let's, if you don't mind, I'd kind of like just if nothing else, out of the interest of time because we'll go way over. Is you talked about the five piles? Can we just kind of visit each one of those for a few minutes?
Luis Velasquez:Yeah, so, as I said, you know, the five piles became evident and pile number one. Five piles became evident and pile number one was I call it embrace the suck, okay so just some people here embrace the suck.
Bob Goodwin:Okay, what does that mean?
Luis Velasquez:What it means is that a lot of times, you know, life is not easy, Life is hard. You see what I'm saying Life is, I mean brain tumor. You know, you lose a job, your spouse walks out of you. Life is hard and we have to accept that. But not only accept it, but also use it as a catalytic for the future. Oh my God, my life went great. Awesome. She left. What else can I do? You know?
Luis Velasquez:The example that I have is one time you know, I was coaching you and I had a horrible, horrible coaching engagement with one individual and as a result of that, they let me go and with that was 40% of my income and I was like, oh my gosh, but that opened other opportunities. You see what I'm saying. So sometimes embracing the suck, meaning, okay, I accept it, it's done, I'm going to love it, I'm going to see how I can use it so I can move forward. So that's number one. Oh, by the way, when I said embrace the suck, there is also a mantra attached to it, and the mantra is what are you going to do about that? What?
Bob Goodwin:am.
Luis Velasquez:I going to do about that? You know, back in the old days, whenever something was happening, I would say you know, what am I going to do about it? When I say what am I going to do about it, when am I asking myself that question, it's almost as a call to action. You know, I have to do something. I have to do something.
Bob Goodwin:But, Luis, why can't I just get stuck in? I hear the embraces suck, but if you knew how unfair this was, like I didn't deserve whatever happened to me and like I just can't get past. This isn't fair.
Luis Velasquez:You know I mean life is not fair. Going back to that, you know life is hard. You see what I'm saying, and the key here is the realization that we look for. By the way, you know, don't get me wrong here we can come with an incredible amount of excuses. You know life is not fair. You know I wasn't ready. You know my boss doesn't like me. You know, blah, blah, blah.
Luis Velasquez:The irony of that is that all of those are valid. All of those are valid, they make sense, but they don't let you move forward. So, yes, acknowledge that. You know what life is not fair? Absolutely it isn't fair. It's not fair to me right now. What am I going to do about it? So that's number one. The second one is embrace your fear or face your fears. And the way I describe this, you know, is I realized that throughout my life. You know, there has been always, always, a lot of fear in my life, and the reality is that fear is a constant companion for us, and the way I see it and my mantra has always I don't want to be fearless, I want to fear less.
Bob Goodwin:Okay, so let's say that way. I don't want to be fearless, I want to fear less. Okay, so let's say that way I don't want to be fearless, which is one word, but I want to fear less Go ahead, Because the minute you start doing the things that you're afraid of, the fear starts to disappear.
Luis Velasquez:So I remember, you know, when I you know cold calling for me was horrible, and sometimes people find themselves how do I connect to people that are looking for jobs, you know? So, hey, you know you need to figure out, embrace the shock that I don't have anyone in that company, and then the fear is like I don't want to be fearless, but I want to fear less. Therefore, I want to call somebody today, just one person, and once you start, you know it's like a little machine that continues on giving. So all of a sudden, you'll be able to do whatever you want to do if you start from the perspective that it's okay to be fearful, but if you start chipping out of the fear, that fear turns into something else. So that's number two.
Luis Velasquez:Three is relationships build relationships, and I look back on all the pivotal moments of my life. I can see one person either. One person gave me an opportunity, one person challenged me, one person gave me a job, one person pushed me. One person gave me an opportunity. One person challenged me. One person gave me a job, One person pushed me, One person left me, and the reality is that we need others all the time. Here is the other thing that I tell people, I tell my clients, is that we need to be relentless about asking for feedback and ways to get to improve, Because we need others to know ourselves.
Bob Goodwin:Well, that's what the person that encouraged you to write your stories down absolutely I could.
Luis Velasquez:That would never happen if that person didn't say that to me at that moment now, luis, I'm sorry.
Bob Goodwin:I want to just talk about this for a minute, because this is something that comes up so often is in our own relationships. Intentional relationships, right now is, dude, I don't have time, like I've got a full time job, I've got a family, I have a lot of obligations and responsibilities, and if you're talking about networking right now, like, dude, I don't have time for that.
Luis Velasquez:Well, you know, I guarantee you, if you ask that person and ask them, you know, what do you consider strategically? What do you need to do to make sure that a project that work is successful? You need to plan, you need to plan. We need to give us ourselves the same value that the projects that we work on, the organizations that we work for too. So we need to plan our careers, we need to plan our future. And building building relationships is different for networking. What I'm talking about is building relationships. You see, I'm saying I'm building relationships. I I gotta say you know it has been one of the key elements for my success, you know. So, saying I don't have time, man, I got to tell you that's an excuse and that is a mental model that you need to change your head that building relationship is as strategic as going to school.
Bob Goodwin:Ok, so that's number three. Number four relationship is as strategic as going to school. Okay, so that's number three.
Luis Velasquez:Number four Number four is find your inner strength. Okay, going back to you know, we have already everything that we have in order to be successful, in order to take a first step, and you mentioned something about expertise. Remember, at the very beginning, you said you know there's some experts and whatnot, and I think that there are three levels of expertise People that do the research they're experts. People that write about the research they're experts. But there is another level of expertise it's people that live the issue, and that's what I am. I am an expert on resilience, not because I did research, not because I write about it, but because I live it. So for other, you know, for people that are looking for jobs, they need to find your expertise. What is the expertise? Whether you write, whether you, you know, you do research or where you live in it. We need to frame ourselves and label ourselves in a way that is useful not only for ourselves, for the people that we want to hire, people that we're looking for them to hire us.
Bob Goodwin:So I want to see if there's a connection between two ideas, maybe because we talked earlier about fearing less right and you also kind of foundational to all of this is we all have the capabilities right to be resilient. We already have A lot of people that I talk to do not have, at least in this season of life, a real sense of inner strength. In fact, they feel very weak and because they feel very weak, they're very afraid, because they don't think that they've got the assets, if you will, to face the things that they're afraid of. So they feel weak. Therefore they're afraid of. So they feel weak, therefore they behave weakly, and they've got this whole narrative. It's a pretty negative cycle. How would you coach somebody who's feeling that way? You?
Luis Velasquez:know. One of the questions that I ask people is let's say, you know, I know some individuals. I know many of my coaches are dealing with that situation. So one question that I ask them is hey, you know, tell me about your, tell me about what you asked me earlier, tell me about your childhood, you know. And they tell me a couple of stories on that and I just grab a few terms that resonate with me and then I say you know, the way I see is hey, you know, it seems to me that you're persistent, it seems to me you value relationships and it seems to me that X, you know, what do you think about that? And they say you know, that resonates with me. Well, that's who you are. You have to embrace that. So that's one way of doing it. The other way of doing it is like, for instance, you know, I do 360s, you know, do 360s, you know 360s.
Luis Velasquez:And one of the first question that I ask people is uh, hey, you know, if you, when you think about what is the first thing that comes to your mind? You know, and it's incredible, you know the amount of information that you can, you can, they can discern from one question you know, say, oh, he's kind, you know he is. Uh, he's a power of science. He's knowledgeable, you know. So then we narrow down to three things knowledgeable, insightful and relationship-oriented. That's who you are. You see what I'm saying. Those are the three things that you need to start living and start emphasizing it so you can brand yourself as such. You see what I'm saying. So I think that it's not about I don't have it. I think that it's about I don't have it. I think that it's about?
Bob Goodwin:I haven't found it yet, so I want to pick up on that point. So, again, in a lot of the coaching that we do with people and the way I say it and this might be crude, but is people tend to be not very self-aware and to the extent that they are, they often lack the vocabulary. So, whether it's how I talk to myself my inner narrative or how I talk to other people an external narrative if I don't have the awareness and the words to go with that awareness, like then that's fairly problematic and I really enjoy what you're saying whether it's through 360s which, again, I'm a huge fan of, because people often tend to see us more kindly than we see ourselves, and just from a different lens, because they're seeing us from different places, is extremely helpful. And then, you know, I don't know, maybe I'd like to hear you talk about this If there's any assessments that, like, we use StrengthsFinder as an example to help people, because it again provides an objective view into what makes them tick, what makes them unique, what makes them strong by definition.
Bob Goodwin:And it's a real epiphany for people that I do have these qualities, I do have inner strengths and they're external to my job, like. This is who I am. These are durable qualities about me.
Luis Velasquez:Could you build on that Well? So here is the one thing that I have seen with people that are looking for jobs. You know their resumes, you know, and they write a list of all the things they've done. You know, I mean, I did this, I did this, I did this.
Luis Velasquez:What I have found is that organizations are not going to hire you based on what you've done, but based on what you will be able to do with what you have learned Correct, and usually that is another element that you can attach to who you are Like. For instance, if you ask me who I am, three things I am I am persistent, I am optimistic and I am committed Commitment, persistence and optimism. So I can actually frame myself on those three things, based on everything else that I've done in my life, because that represents those three things and that's what companies are looking for. You see what I'm saying People that are authentic, people that are strong, people that have a sense of who they are and what they're willing to do. It's not much about the what is the word, the functional components of work, but rather it's how are you going to do and how are you going to apply what you have learned in the future of organization?
Bob Goodwin:Yeah, so it's such a great point. You're right, because people and rightfully so, I mean it's part of a resume, Like you've got your accomplishments on there and I did this. I did that. I did the third thing. I believe that what you're talking about is some of the how and the why. Right, Because I kind of don't care exactly what you did at Deloitte, because I'm not hiring you to work at Deloitte. What I really care about is how you did it, because that's the part that you're going to bring to me in this role. And, again, why I think it's so important that people understand these aspects, because those are the durable, transferable qualities. Now you telegraphed something I want you to. I know we have one more point to make here in just a second, but you just sort of said persistence, commitment and optimism. Do you mind kind of explaining how that's your formula?
Luis Velasquez:Yeah. So as I was writing the book, you know, I mean I came up with these five pillars let's put it that way, but there was a higher level of that and build relationships. Everybody builds relationships. Find your inner strength. But the reality is that the formula comes from my values and who I am. So I am persistent, I am optimistic and I am committed. And here is how that becomes.
Luis Velasquez:I have a formula that's called resilience is equal to commitment. We got to be committed. If I am going to find a job, I'm going to be committed to find a job. But I mean committed. When I say committed, it's like, hey, listen, I'm going to find a job. I'm going to be committed to find a job, you know. But I mean committed, you know. When I say committed, it's like, hey, listen, I'm going to find a job. No, finding your job is a job. Now, amen. Level of commitment you know. So commitment is, if here's your job, you're going to give me 10 hours a day of commitment. You said that to show your commitment.
Luis Velasquez:Persistence is to understand that it's not going to be easy. There's a lot of rejection, there's a lot of heat, but the reality is that if you are persistent, fearing less every time that you go in, you know, facing the sock every time you go in, then you will make progress, you know. And the last part is optimism. And I believe the optimism is the most important component of this formula, because if you're not optimistic, just commitment and persistence is a recipe for disappointment and it's a recipe for burnout. You've got to have an optimistic view of that, and what I mean about optimistic is what you mentioned earlier is like the end game I want to get a job in google. I'm gonna get a job here because that's the goal. You see what I'm saying. So that allows me then to to, to continue being committed, but also to do the hard work that is finding a job. You know whatever that is. Yeah, so it's the that is finding a job. You know whatever that is. So that is the story of the drivers of resilience.
Bob Goodwin:Yeah. So just to recap, for people it's commitment plus persistence multiplied by optimism. Right Times, optimism, that's right.
Luis Velasquez:Optimism is the multiplier, it's optimism, that's right. Optimism is the multiplier, is the you know, is the multiplier. If you got zero optimism, you got zero resilience, exactly.
Bob Goodwin:And so the Stockdale paradox, right, you know, we're, we're prisoner of war and like the people that are like, well, we're going to get by Valentine's Day, we're going to get out by Memorial Day, we're going to get out by Fourth of July, and it never happened. And they lost hope. Yeah, which is I'll use that as synonymous with optimism for a minute and you have nothing. If you have, if you don't have, hope, the paradox is, I don't know when, I don't know how, right. So that's the embracing the suck part. It is what it is. We're in the Hanoi Hilton right now, and it's not great. I have a brain tumor. It's not great. My wife left me. It's not great. It's not like, you know, painting a pretty face on an ugly situation. It's embracing the suck. This is not great, yep, but I choose to believe it's going to be better and that I can control, through persistence and commitment, getting to a better place. Is that fair?
Luis Velasquez:Absolutely Yep, yep, you know I do ultra marathons. You know I run 100 miles sometimes.
Bob Goodwin:Did you all hear that he does ultra marathons? How far is an ultra marathon? Anything over a marathon?
Luis Velasquez:Everything over a marathon, but I've done over 100 marathons, but I run ultra marathons as well. You know like 100 mile races, and there is a very interesting saying in the ultramarathon community and if you're feeling well, blink. If you're feeling bad, just blink. What it means by that is that things you feel differently as the journey continues. You're still on the journey. You see what I'm saying. The 100-mile race goal is there there. It's not going to be easy. It goes ups and downs, but the key here is understanding that when you're feeling bad, it's just temporary. You will soon feel better and that's okay, because you will feel bad again, but at the end of the day, you will get to the finish line so let's get to the last one, because I think this is probably really core to the finish line.
Bob Goodwin:So let's get to the last one, because I think this is probably really core to the whole thing, which is solving for fulfillment. Can you talk about fulfillment and inner values?
Luis Velasquez:Yeah, so let me see how can I explain it. So when I was, you know, reading the, you know, when I was trying to figure out my life and trying to figure out this book or whatever you know reading the, you know, when I was trying to figure out my life and trying to figure out, you know, this book or whatever you know, I realized that I originally started with those four components, you know, and, and I I was reading a book by simon sinek, you know. They start with why, yep? And I was like, wow, that's, that's very interesting component, very interesting idea. And I decided I'm going to find my why, what's my why, what's my why? And I couldn't figure it out. So I ended up emailing him and he connected me one of his consultants and actually hired one of his consultants and he identified my why.
Luis Velasquez:Here is my why To reframe the important moments so we can adapt and thrive. Let me repeat that To reframe the important moments so we can adapt and thrive. And I think that that is my purpose and that's how I do it. That's what I do every day and I do it with my children, I do it with my wife, I do it with myself and I remember, I don't know. Do you remember your first memory as a child, carlos?
Bob Goodwin:Lozano yes.
Luis Velasquez:Carlos Lozano I do. My memory was this my dad was a truck driver and he would go in days, completely three or four days, in the road. I was probably, you know, like I don't know, I was probably four or five when this happened. We would play hide and seek and his goal was, whenever he was about to leave, he would say, hey, let's play hide and seek, you know, and I would start looking for him and he would go to work for three days. I never stopped looking for him. I was still looking. I'd get up in the morning and I was looking for him, but I realized that in the back of my mind, I realized that he was gone. I knew that he was gone.
Luis Velasquez:For me, at that moment, it was reframing him. Being gone as playing kind of sick is how I was coping with his absence. Over time, I realized that with his absence, yes, Over time I realized that that's what I do, that's what I've been doing. You know, back in Guatemala, reframing was a defense mechanism. We don't have enough food today, or let's pretend that we ate. You see what I'm saying. We did this, let's pretend. And I realized that that's what I've been doing all my life and including now.
Luis Velasquez:So one of the premises of the book, one of the things that I asked about the book, is in order for us to act differently, we need to think differently. And in order for us to think differently, we need to see differently, and that's what reframing is see differently. So now, when you see things differently, then there's a change, reaction. That happens. But the seeing part has to be based on the fulfillment part. You know like, for instance, when I say I refrain things, that's what I enjoy doing. You know I can do that with everyone, you know, and that's what I do as a coach, you know.
Luis Velasquez:So I have a client whose why is to help people in need. That's her whole thing, you know. And she was having a hard time at work. You know, guess, what she did? She started a coaching circle for herself and other people that were having that, and she was overwhelmed. She had so much work to do. Yet she added more work by hosting these coaching practices. That completely changed her mentality about the work that she was doing, because now there is reward yes, like she was actually doing. Reward yes, like she was actually doing. So a lot of times we confuse fulfillment with satisfaction or passion, satisfaction or passion are very selfish. You see what I'm saying. I am passionate about cars. I am passionate about computers. Fulfillment is. I am passionate. I want to work on transportation. You see what I'm saying? Cars, but it's the end game rather than the what.
Bob Goodwin:Yes.
Luis Velasquez:Does that make?
Bob Goodwin:sense. No, totally. And so this is one of the things that I really enjoyed about your book, because I think this is really kind of getting at the essence of things and why this is more than just gritting your teeth and trying harder. This is actually allowing you to become the person you want to be. It's how you want to see yourself, how you do see yourself and how you want to see yourself. It's intrinsic, organic motivation, and that's very hard to extinguish. It's very hard to extinguish, it's very hard to extinguish, and that's what allows you to, as you said, to blink and keep going, because this is core to my identity and I, I need I like, I just need to do this because this is who I am, and that starts to take a lot of pressure off of you to behave to somebody else's standard, and now you're just trying to become the person that you want to be right and, as you said, it's inside all of us. The reasons and the values might be different, but the opportunity to exercise that is ordinary. It's available to everyone.
Luis Velasquez:And I can't even say one thing that I have noticed with a lot of people that I coach is that they are already doing a lot of that, and that's another reason why I call it ordinary. They are already doing it. What is important is to be you mentioned this is to be intentional about it. Yes, because then if you're intentional about it, then it becomes a way of life. You see what I'm saying. So there is a level of intentionality and resilience.
Luis Velasquez:You know one thing that I do with my kids my kid, you know, my five-year-old, you know he's not old enough, but we still shower together. Yeah, you know, at the end of the kid. And you know my, my five-year-old, you know he's not old enough that we still shower together. Yeah, you know, at the end of the shower. You know I turned the water to the. You know we play a game, say cold water, which you know I were free, I were free and Spanish is good water and you say, yes, I'm ready. You know, and I just turned the dirty water to cold water. She said no to cold water and it's like a shock. That is a small way of you know what I'm saying Building resilience. That's intentional. You know we went to. I got to say you know I leave my kids.
Luis Velasquez:We went to Tahoe last weekend and there is a park where they do zip lines you know, and I was, I almost fell off my there, out of my chair, metaphorically speaking, you know. And when my kids said facing my fears and do it anyway, facing my fears, I'll do it anyway, oh my gosh. So that's what I'm saying. So, the more intentional that we are about doing things, then we build our own resilience because, again, you, it's about the stories that we tell ourselves.
Bob Goodwin:That's exactly right. Can companies, can organizations, become resilient and more resilient?
Luis Velasquez:Companies cannot become resilient. People, individuals in the organization are resilient. Individuals in the organization are resilient. Resilient is a. You cannot ask a rock to be resilient. The person that uses the rock is the person that is going to be resilient, and that's why it's important, then you know, like from organizations, from the top leaders and managers, to encourage those behaviors that allow people to become resilient.
Bob Goodwin:How much of that is modeling resilience? How much of that is teaching some of these principles?
Luis Velasquez:I think that they go hand in hand. You know the way I say it. The way I think is that I cannot. What is the word I say? In order for me to get better at something, I have to teach it to somebody else. Yeah, you know. So I cannot tell a person how to swim. If I cannot show him how to swim, you cannot swim by mail order. You actually have to get. So, going back to the organizations, I think that, yes, you have to model it, but also surround yourself with people that are resilient and encourage people to build resilience, because, again, think about this we all have different levels of resilience.
Luis Velasquez:Some leaders are very successful, but they might not be resilient. But if they are intentional about building an organization that is going to weather another pandemic, they need to think preparing people for the tough times, and that's what resilience is all about. Building resilience when you're in the middle of a crisis does not want to take you out of the crisis. Resilience is something that you build over time and you endure. You can adapt in order to when things happen. You're ready to come out of it.
Bob Goodwin:I think you're just going back to our word intentionality. You know it's. I believe it's. One reason I'm so excited to talk to you is that resilience is really the superpower for individuals, because of the rate of change and the magnitude of change are only getting greater and greater. Right, and AI is coming for my job. That would be like something the global rule, so what.
Luis Velasquez:So, what?
Bob Goodwin:No, that's the embrace to suck. I'm following you, but I just want to make a point that, like people are freaked out about AI, am I going to get laid off? Either way, whoever gets elected, it's going to be a disaster. There. Marriage isn't going great, like whatever else is going on. There's so many things happening and if you don't have a reservoir to draw on and just really kind of getting back to who am I and how do I fear less so I can be more fearless and like all those things, I just think that resilience is so important, I think at an individual level, obviously, but then for companies to understand that their people are under a lot of pressure.
Bob Goodwin:Burnout is like 44%, according to Sherm survey data. Mckinsey says fully 50% of employees are disengaged. What, and a lot of it is because they're just stressed out and they don't have the toolkit to be able to, in a healthy, productive, constructive way, handle the stress. So then we start doing things that are not helpful. Right, we procrastinate, we self-medicate, but whatever we're doing, that's not good. And because it seems so overwhelming, and so what I love about what you're doing is so what are you going to do? It's practical. This isn't just theory and ideas. It's born out of your personal experience with a bias for action and pragmatic things that people can do. Yeah, yeah.
Luis Velasquez:You know, if I were, if you were to ask me, you know, what is the most important pillar? You know, I mean, if I were to rank them.
Bob Goodwin:I'm hesitating to do that, so I'm glad you brought it up.
Luis Velasquez:I think that you know number one is relationships. It's key, you know I mean, because if I think about that, you know I mean for me, that is the one thing that has helped me tremendously about, you know, building relationships. My dad used to say and this is Adagio he used to tell me who you are hanging out with and I tell you who you are, or something along those lines. You know, and I think that the way I have lived my life is I raise the bar for myself, but also look for people that can support me.
Luis Velasquez:There is an incredible book called Decisive by Dan Heath, and they're professors at Stanford and they say that we spend a lot of time solving problems when we should be mimicking solutions, because a lot of the things that we have going through, somebody else has already gone through and by reaching out and see how do you do it, not only give us the answer, but provide inspiration for us to go through.
Bob Goodwin:Yes, yeah. Well, you know, I like to say that life is a team sport, it's not a solo sport, and you know we need, I mean I think, just the way that we were created.
Bob Goodwin:You have different gifts than I have. I've got different gifts than you have, and we make each other complete. So nobody has the whole package, but together we are the whole package. So we do need to be in relationship and again, it's not just the functional that might be kind of the obvious, or the overt part but the emotional part of this Right. And you know, there's days that you know I need you to hold me up and there's days that I can hold you up and that's the way that I think that we operate in the most healthy way. So I love what you're talking about, about. You know it is about relationships and we make time for the things that are important to us. We do.
Luis Velasquez:We do, and that is the key we do. Saying I don't have time to this, I know if you prioritize it you will make time.
Bob Goodwin:Exactly so. Let's start to put a bow on this. Can you bring all this together for folks? So just your kind of the book in summary, maybe the five pillars, or maybe even if there's an inspirational story. However, you want to start to wrap this up for folks.
Luis Velasquez:I think that for me, you know, if I were, you know the book has brought a, a thought, a story or not a story, I thought a, whatever you call it is is that the world doesn't belong to people that know the most, but the people that learn the fastest. And and I think that how do you learn? Is you learn through others. How do you learn? You need to. By taking risks, you know, and then being less fear. How do you learn? By embracing where you are, you know. I mean a lot of times we think that we know and we don't. The reality is that we don't. You know. How do we learn is by adding some level of fulfillment to what we're trying to learn. What is the purpose of what we're doing? So I think that relationships is key, yeah.
Bob Goodwin:So, luis, I am so glad. Oh, if people want to buy the book Ordinary Resilience, I assume it's available on Amazon.
Luis Velasquez:It is available for pre-order right now, until June 25th. So on June 25th you can order it and get it in a two-day Prime thing if you subscribe to Prime. But right now you can pre-order it. But if you you know, on June 25th it will be available.
Bob Goodwin:And if folks want to learn more about your coaching practice, what's the best way to do that? You know you can.
Luis Velasquez:I assume that you can add a link to my LinkedIn profile, or you can go to velascoachingcom. V-e-l-a-e-s-q-u-e-z. V-e-l-a-s-c-o-a-a-c-h-i-o-ncom.
Bob Goodwin:Yep, okay, so VelasCoachingcom. So that's cool, luis, like I appreciate you know everything that you've done kind of examining yourself first that created the stories, that created the pillars, that created the narrative that's become this terrific book. People that know me know that I am like a resilience junkie because they just it changes people's lives, and it doesn't just change your life in the same way that your father modeled for you. People who start to change back to relationships affect other people, and there's a very positive cycle that can emanate, does emanate, from this and the fact that it's all rooted in optimism, not in cynicism or anything that is less helpful. It just creates a more positive life, a more positive environment and ultimately, I think, is doing good in the world, and so I'm just very thankful to have met you, to have read the book and to be able to spend some time with you today.
Luis Velasquez:Thank you, Bob. I really appreciate the opportunity as well. Awesome.
Bob Goodwin:So, everyone, thank you so much. So again, ordinary Resilience by Luis Velasquez is the book. You can pre-order it between now and June 25th, and after June 25th it's available. On. To accept reality as it is and to be able to confront what it is in front of you and not be stuck or paralyzed, but to move into it with courage, will be life-changing for you. So, luis, a pleasure. Thank you so much, and to our audience, thank you, thank you.
Luis Velasquez:Thank you, so hang on for just a minute.
